Nice Guys Finish Last – Leo Durocher
A guy gets into an elevator… No seriously, a really nice guy gets into an elevator. Inside he sees a woman he finds rather interesting… so as politely as humanly possible, he terrorizes and rapes her… in her mind, not his and most certainly not in reality. But the simple act of a guy, any guy no matter how non-threatening or polite, who steps onto a hotel elevator with a woman is seen by that woman to be a potential rapist, especially if he politely asks her to his room for coffee. Such is the state of male-female relations in the 21st century.
I’m going to do something in this post, in fact I’ve already done it, that I don’t normally do. It’s called name-calling. I generally avoid it because it is typically offensive and unproductive. I don’t mind so much that it irritates its object, but it doesn’t lead to productive conversation or discussion and since that’s what I usually want, I don’t do it. But right now, I’m not particularly in the mood for productive dialog so to hell with normal conventions. It’s my blog and I have the right to say what I want, freedom of speech and all that nonsense.
So the characters in this little diatribe will be given some not so pleasant names. First is the “Rude Elevator Bitch.” She started it all and I’ve honored her with the title of this post just to show my disgust with her very existence. REB as one might refer to her in order to save keystrokes was propositioned by a guy in an elevator. She was disgusted by it and felt she had to proclaim her disgust to the world.
The guy in the elevator, “Nice Elevator Guy” or “NEG” as in totally negated, apparently offended her with his rather polite, but ill-timed and poorly executed come on.
NEG was apparently defended by a “Looney Professor” (if I called him “Nutty” I would likely be sued by Disney for copyright infringement, so “Looney” it is.). “LP” sarcastically claimed that REB had no reason to be offended and that there were larger issues that deserved attention.
This drew a lot of attention to the so-called elevator-rape incident with creepy guys lining up to be attacked by oppressed feminist bitches. One of these OFB’s, henceforth to be known as “Bitchy Entitled Feminist” (BEF), argues that NEG is only a nice guy because he believes that being a nice guy is a way to get sex from women. Once a woman has rejected him, he will stop being nice to her and refer to her as a bitch. She sees him as believing that because he is nice, he is entitled to her body in return for his “niceness.”
BEF is backed up by “Super Mangina” (SM) who wants us to believe that he’s some sort of Texas redneck who isn’t afraid of rabid dogs and who isn’t afraid to use racial slurs like “white trash” to refer to his friends and neighbors. But although he may be foolish and racist, he isn’t sexist. In fact, he so non-sexist that he believes that in order to keep from frightening women (who are obviously frightened half to death at the sight of strange men), men should cross the street to avoid passing them either by overtaking them from behind or when approaching head on. Of course he has obviously not read the latest feminist research which classifies his form of chivalry as “benevolent sexism.” But we’ll excuse his lack of literacy on the grounds that he’s from Texas and therefore constantly surrounded by white trash and rabid dogs. I doubt that many learn to read in such an environment and that those who do probably don’t have time to do much of it; too busy whittling and such. I’m positively certain that those in the feminist movement will follow my lead and forgive his benevolent sexism and pay no mind to his continued denigration, demeaning, and infantilization of the entire female sex. After all, if a redneck from Texas can’t infantilize women, who can?
There are several points here that need to be made. First let’s talk about social graces. As a society we expect men to proposition women. Men are expected to be assertive, even somewhat aggressive in pursuing relationships with women. I’m not saying that this is right; I’m saying that it is the way it is. Despite a half a century of feminism attempting to liberate women from “gender” roles, women have by and large, not yet embraced to role of the pursuer in these relationships. Feminism is also partially responsible for this failure.
At the same time as the attempted to liberate women and get them to embrace new roles in society, they promoted the existence of a “rape culture” in which all men can be seen as potential rapists who use rape to instill fear into all women as a means to control them. Thus the irrational fear experienced by Rude Elevator Bitch is a fear placed into her by feminism itself. If, as some like BEF claim, this fear is oppressive, then REB is being oppressed by her own ideological feminism. NEG’s act of asking REB to his room for coffee was not an act of oppression as claimed by REB and her supporters. It was non-violent, non-threatening, and by her own account polite. Her fear was therefore, irrational and the result of feminist ideology. Thus if any oppression was actually taking place, REB was being oppressed by her own irrational belief system.
NEG, on the other hand, was merely fulfilling a gender role that he has been forced into, at least in part, by feminism itself. But let’s examine NEG’s behavior. By all accounts, NEG appears to be a rather shy, somewhat unconfident nerd or geek who appears to be lacking in the social graces. It was probably not a good idea to ask REB for coffee just after she finished a lecture on how she is offended by men who sexualize her, especially late at night in an isolated elevator. That would be her point of view which she and all of her supporters have stated quite eloquently. So if one only accounts for REB’s feelings, it was the wrong thing to do. But how about looking at the situation from NEG’s point of view?
A shy, socially awkward nerd who lacks confidence is likely to feel uncomfortable in any situation where he intends to proposition a woman. But he is likely to be terrified of doing it in a public setting with plenty of people around to witness his humiliation when she turns him down. So from his point of view, an isolated elevator in the middle of the night is probably the ideal location, especially since he was probably never going to have this opportunity again. His fear of humiliation is probably not as irrational as her fear of rape and in hindsight, it was definitely more justified. He didn’t rape her, she did reject him. She not only rejected him, she humiliated him, publically, for all the world to see.
People like BEF and Super Mangina are of the opinion that REB’s feelings are the only feelings that should be taken into account. NEG’s feelings don’t matter anymore than NEG matters. He should have altered his behavior, put all his hopes and dreams aside, and taken her feelings into account. In fact, for BEF and SM, REB has a right (as a woman) not to be propositioned and NEG had no right to proposition her. This begs the question of who has rights and who doesn’t.
Does a person have a right to speak to another person? This country (and many others) places a high value on freedom of speech. It is one of the most important rights we have. The term “inalienable” might be applied. NEG was most definitely well within his rights to invite REB for coffee, even if “coffee” was merely a pretense for hot passionate sex. While REB may have a right to expect not to be propositioned in an elevator late at night, she had no right to impose her expectation upon NEG, even if his behavior causes her to feel unsafe. REB had the right to refuse the proposition; she had the right to step out of the elevator. She has the right to alter her behavior, not his. If she wanted to feel safe, she should have left the elevator. He had every right to be there and he had every right to speak up. In this case it is not his feelings that don’t matter, it is hers. The fact that she is a woman and he is a man makes no difference, the opinion of BEF notwithstanding. REB’s online rant demonstrates that in this case she was acting as the oppressor. She believes that she has the right to determine what another person’s behavior should or shouldn’t be and that person should act in accordance with her wishes. Furthermore, she believes she is entitled to this because she is a woman. That makes her sexist.
Notice that I am not stating that REB should be flattered by NEG’s proposition, a position apparently taken by Looney Professor. If she isn’t flattered by a socially awkward nerd lacking in self-confidence who thinks she might be a person worth knowing (or at least bedding) who am I to say that she should be? After all this, I seriously doubt she’s a person worth knowing. I have no interest in her which is probably a great relief to her; one less potential rapist to worry about.
In closing, most feminists try very hard to convince us that feminism is all about equality between the sexes. Men and women are to be treated equally. But this little tale illustrates the lie inherent in feminist equality. It is all about the woman. It is all about her feelings, her needs, and her desires. Men be damned, this is not about you. It’s all about the BITCH.
- The problems with “nice guy” syndrome (vomitshermind.wordpress.com)
- WTF Dawkins? What the flying fuck?! (dbzer0.com)
- “All men are assholes and all women are bitches. It’s the degree of assholeness and bitchiness that matters.” ~Jose (carissaboncardo.wordpress.com)
- What’s a shy, geeky, nice guy to do?: The case of Rebecca Watson (psychologytoday.com)
- Two awful no-good terribad miserable arguments (scienceblogs.com)
- Rift brewing in New Atheist movement over Dublin elevator incident. (politics.ie)
- Richard Dawkins vs Skepchik- I Don’t Get It Either (hooglyboogly.co)