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Red Riding Hood (2011)

English: Werewolf, by Rodrigo Ferrarezi Portug...

English: Werewolf, by Rodrigo Ferrarezi Português: Lobisomem, por Rodrigo Ferrarezi (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There’s a lot to hate about this movie. I could, and probably should just leave it at that. But I won’t because that wouldn’t be any fun. We all know the story. Little girl wearing a red hooded cape walks through the forest to deliver cookies to her grandmother. When she gets there, her grandmother more or less resembles a wolf; big eyes, big ears, big teeth. The wolf, of course, has dispatched with grandma and is lying in wait for Red. Of course, Red is saved by the woodcutter (or hunter) and lives happily ever-after. Fairytales are like that, don’tcha know. This version ain’t really that much different and the telling of it is much less interesting. The acting was poor. The directing was poor. The production was poor. The writing was poor. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

So why write about it? Good question. I took the time to watch it, so why not? Most critics seemed to think that this was a teenage girl’s sexual fantasy a la Twilight. But I think that view is too narrow and misses the boat almost entirely. This isn’t a teenage girl’s sexual fantasy. It’s a rape fantasy and a statement on rape culture. The werewolf is the rapist. The girl is his intended victim and everyone else is suffering from rape hysteria.

A young woman is killed (symbolically raped) by the wolf and her death sends the village into a panic. The men of the village whip themselves into a fever and go off to hunt the wolf (kill the rapist). One of them is killed in the process. The priest (representing the village authority) sends for a renowned werewolf hunter (a higher authority). This hunter is willing to use whatever methods are necessary to kill the wolf. Those methods include accusing (false allegations) and killing innocents. All men are suspected werewolves and so are some of the women.

Valerie (Red, played by Amanda Seyfried) is the central character and the love object of the would-be rapist. Her older sister is the first to die. Her fiance’s father is next. Both are killed by the wolf. The usual suspects include Valerie’s grandmother, her father, and two would-be suitors. Father Solomon (the wolf hunter played by Gary Oldman) falsely accuses and kills off the village idiot, torturing him to death. He also kills one of his own men who is bitten by the wolf and is later killed in a very cliché act of vengeance by that man’s brother for the very same reason.

The killing of the village idiot has the effect of turning Valerie’s best friend against her (the idiot was her friend’s brother). She informs on Valerie to Father Solomon that Valerie can speak with the wolf. Valerie is then accused of being a witch and is arrested and used as bait for the wolf (the wolf told her he will come back for her). The trap works and in the process, Valerie’s fiancé is eliminated as a suspect (not killed). The other suitor (Peter played by Shiloh Fernandez, who she actually loves) ends up missing and becomes the most obvious suspect.

Valerie has a really stupid dream about her grandmother (what big eyes you have) and runs through the forest to her home thinking she is in danger. Along the way she meets Peter and stabs him believing he is the wolf. Wrong. It turns out that her father is the wolf and wants her to be just like him (the rape fantasy turns incestuous). She refuses and is saved by the injured, but still living Peter who is bitten in a struggle with her father. Together the two manage to kill the wolf and dispose of the body, but Peter is now a werewolf, showing that “all men (even the good ones) are potential rapists.”

Rape culture is condoned by the villagers who make a bargain with the werewolf that lasts for twenty years, allowing the village and the wolf to co-exist. Rape hysteria results when the bargain is broken by the wolf when he discovers that his oldest daughter is not his. She was actually the daughter of Valerie’s fiance’s father. Valerie’s mom (the wife of the werewolf) had an affair. A lot of good people died as a result of this woman’s betrayal of her husband and because of the hysteria that ensues. Lest we think that it’s only men that can be rapists, Father Solomon, at one point, reveals that his wife was a werewolf and that she was the first werewolf he had slain. When one looks at the werewolf as analogous to a rapist, this movie becomes a statement about rape and the destructiveness of rape culture based on rape hysteria. It is no longer a teenage girl’s coming of age fantasy in the vein of Twilight. This statement is probably the movie’s only redeeming quality.

-TDOM

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Samuel Adams Triple Bock, 1995

Could It Be the Best Beer Ever Brewed?

Sam Adams Triple Bock

Sam Adams Triple Bock (Photo credit: Cheesehead_Dave)

Back in the mid-90’s, Samuel Adams released what might just be the oddest beer I’ve ever tasted. It tasted syrupy, thick, rich, and heavy. It was almost sickeningly sweet and I had difficulty finishing even the small, 7 oz. bottle it was sold in. But don’t get me wrong. It was quite good in small amounts, but it was like drinking a heavy syrup, and it quickly became too much. It had to be slowly sipped and savored in small amounts so I only drank it when a friend showed up. The small bottle was perfect for two. But this is only part of why I call it odd. Aside from being brewed with malted barley, hops, and yeast, it had no semblance to beer at all. It has no carbonation for one thing. It drinks more like port, sherry, or brandy for another. I managed to get my hands on a couple dozen bottles before it disappeared from stores. I drank about half over the next couple of years, but put the rest away. They’ve been resting patiently in my wine rack ever since, at least some of them have. I’ve broken out a bottle every couple of years.

Way back when, it was very much as advertised. I could taste the sweetness of the barley, the bitterness of the hops, the maple syrup, and it had some vanilla overtones. As it has aged, it has also changed. I opened one of my last four bottles last night after 17 years of aging. It was amazing. Over the years, I’ve seen it coming. There was a slow-developing chocolate flavor with a backdrop of roasted coffee, a fruity, cherry-like tartness, and a bit more vanilla. Last night’s bottle was like drinking a chocolate truffle made from the finest chocolate on earth. It was smooth and creamy, with a melt-in-the-mouth flavor. It was very bittersweet with an ever-present cherry-vanilla tartness, and just a hint of coffee, caramel, and maple. Although I savored it for two hours, I had no trouble finishing the bottle as that sickening sweetness was gone. I found myself wishing that I could still smoke cigars, but alas, those days are long gone. My sinuses just won’t allow it. But what I would suggest is a scoop or two of the finest vanilla bean ice cream with or without a slice of apple pie.

-TDOM

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Longing for a Taste of Communism?

 

How ‘Bout a Nice Tall Glass of Leninade?

Leninade

Leninade (Photo credit: mezzoblue)

Have you ever dreamed of drinking in the flavor of the Russian Revolution? I have not only dreamed of it, but actually tasted it, and I can state unequivocally that it is a taste worth standing in line for. “It’s Red, it’s Bubbly, and it goes well with vodka” just as it states on the bottle. A bottle of what you might ask. Well a bottle of Leninade, of course and hammering one down won’t make you sickle (yeah, ok, bad pun, I won’t ask you to excuse it).

In the midst of an almost unbearable summer heat wave (triple digits here in SoCal), my granddaughter talked her ‘rents into a quick stop at BevMo where she proceeded to fill two sixpacks with no-name brand sodas. For the most part it was a variety of little known brands of root beer, but there were a couple of orange sodas and crème soda as well. One of these caught my attention. It was an reddish soda with a picture of Vladimir Lenin and the soviet hammer and sickle; a sort of red lemonade. Of course, The Party is in every bottle as is “the joy of the workers” which is listed as an ingredient. It’s made by a company called Real Soda, it doesn’t taste bad, and helped bring back memories of the Cold War, the Cuban Missile Crisis,Vietnam, and living on the edge of nuclear destruction.

-TDOM

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Merlin (2008 – ?)

 

From left to right: Guinevere, Gaius, Morgana,...

From left to right: Guinevere, Gaius, Morgana, Merlin, Arthur, Uther and the Great Dragon in the background. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have always been a fan of Arthurian legend. I remember watching a variety of shows and movies based on this legend as a young child. I read T. H. White’s The Once and Future King; Mary Stewart’s Merlin Trilogy (she wrote two others after I read the first three in the series, but I never read them); and several other novels, comics, and stories. So naturally, I was drawn to the British series Merlin currently airing on SyFy and available through Netflix. While the acting isn’t always the best and it gets more than just a little corny in places, it is a refreshing departure from all the feminist inspired male-hating tripe that dominates today’s television. It’s also a very interesting interpretation of the legend.

The legend of king Arthur has often been re-interpreted to make it fresh and new, but generally follows the life of Merlin and Arthur from approximately the time Arthur takes the throne. Usually there is at least a mention of Arthur’s conception. The general story has it that Merlin magically disguised King Uther (Arthur’s father) to resemble a knight named Gorlois, enabling Uther to sleep with Gorlois’ wife to conceive Arthur as the King’s illegitimate son. The boy was taken and raised by Merlin who helped him rise to power upon Uther’s death. Arthur marries Guinevere who betrays him by sleeping with his finest knight, Lancelot. Arthur also conceives an illegitimate son, Mordrid with his half sister, Morgana who is a witch that fools him into sleeping with her as revenge for Merlin and Uther’s deception of her mother. Morgana raises Mordrid to rise against his father, Arthur, in a battle that results in the end of Camelot and the death of all of the major players in the legend.

The TV series reinterprets the legend in an interesting manner. It begins with Merlin’s (Colin Morgan) arrival in Camelot and subsequent assignment to be the young Prince Arthur’s (Bradley James) manservant as a reward for having saved Arthur’s life. Neither is pleased as the two had met previously and did not get along. Arthur is not illegitimate in this version. Morgana (Katie McGrath) is the illegitimate child of King Uther (Anthony Head) who is raising her as his ward as a favor to her dead father, Gorlois. Morgana turn’s against Uther and Arthur until she finds out the truth; Uther had an affair with her mother and later sent her father to his death. The use of magic was involved, but not very well explained, it is blamed for the death of Arthur’s mother (who apparently died in childbirth) and as a result is outlawed by King Uther who persecutes and executes anyone caught using it. As a result, Merlin must hide his identity as a sorcerer.

Merlin is sent to Camelot by his mother to be mentored by Gaius (Richard Wilson), who was an old friend and is now the court physician. Gauis is also a former sorcerer who assisted King Uther in hunting down magic users, but who also assisted a number of magic users to escape. He becomes a father figure for Merlin.

Guinevere (Angel Colby) is the servant of Morgana. She is also Black. This gives the show a more modern feel, but is certainly not true to the time period. She and Arthur definitely notice each other and over time fall in love. But their love is forbidden by Uther because she is a peasant. She has a brief affair with Lancelot (Santiago Cabrera) who arrives as a young man seeking to become a knight. Merlin helps him forge papers indicating his noble birth, but this is discovered and Lancelot is banished. He later reappears, sacrificing his life for Arthur which would be a major deviation from the legend except he is resurrected in a later episode and enchanted just in time to break up the engagement of Arthur (now King) and Guinevere.

One other character worth mentioning is the great dragon, Kilgara (sp?) (John Hurt). The dragon has been imprisoned by Uther and is the last of his kind. He acts as a sort of advisor to Merlin who secretly slips away to seek his advice, though he doesn’t always heed it. In return for his help, Merlin promises to release him someday. When that day comes, it has disastrous results, but Merlin discovers something about himself in the process.

Aside from being a new and fresh interpretation of the legend, what I like about this is the lack of feminist influence. Of course there is a good deal of chivalry, but that should be expected. In fact, chivalry plays a huge part in causing the troubles of both Arthur and Merlin as their chivalrous acts lead to rescue or aid undeserving characters and often meet with severe consequences. Neither the male or female characters are entirely innocent or evil when taken as a group. With the exception of Gwen, the main female characters, Morgana and her half sister Morgause (Emilia Fox), are almost purely evil. Many of the minor villains are also female. They use their sex appeal to manipulate men into committing all sorts of evil and treasonous acts in their attempts to overthrow the Pendragons and have Morgana assume the throne. The women suffer the consequences of their evil acts as well. It is not uncommon to see them suffer the violent effects of magic used to combat them. Even Gwen, who is mostly good, is banished by Arthur for her affair with Lancelot. It is refreshing to see a show where even the women are held accountable and suffer consequences for evil deeds. Although some have been wronged, we are not made to feel sympathy for them.

I especially like the “Arthur as spoiled bully” and Merlin as “dorky geek” who isn’t afraid of speaking his mind. It reminds me of the friendly banter, teasing, and taunting my friends and I engaged in on a regular basis when I was their age. It shows an intricate understanding of the male psyche where insults are often meant to indicate a bond and appreciation that two men have for each other without having to say “I love you.” Both men understand this and use insults to indicate to each other how much they care. Of course, on occasion, they tell each other directly.

While this is not the best acted, written, directed, or produced show in the history of television, and while it can be more than little corny at times, the characters are believable and entertaining. The show is free of feminist influence and depicts somewhat realistic (though simplistic) male interactions and friendships. Its family friendly and my grandkids (boy and girls) enjoy watching. There is just enough deviation from the legend to keep it interesting and from being too predictable. All-in-all I heartily recommend it as an entertaining alternative to all the mundane feminist drivel available 24/7.

-TDOM

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Asus Eee Pad Transformer TF101

Not a Best Buy

My wife has often complained about how slow her netbook is and how this can make it difficult to surf the internet. So I decided to buy her a tablet for her birthday. I went to Best Buy and talked with a kid who seemed fairly knowledgeable about such things and finally settled on the Asus eee Pad Transformer TF101. The kid said it was probably the best (along with the Acer) for surfing the internet. In addition, I could purchase a detachable keyboard that would provide extra battery life. While I didn’t buy the keyboard, I thought my wife would like that feature, so I bought the Asus. I also purchased an invisible shield by Zagg and they put it on free of charge.

A Geek Squad Volkswagen New Beetle specially p...

A Geek Squad Volkswagen New Beetle specially painted to comply with California law. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I got home, I immediately began loading it up with apps that I thought she might find useful. I also figured that I should password protect it since it could be holding some sensitive data. All was well… or so I thought.

After about a week, and a few test drives later, I decided to install one final app before giving it to my wife. I got the thing out and turned it on. I typed in the password when it asked. I got an error message. It didn’t recognize the password. I typed it again, again, and again. I got out the paper I wrote it on and typed it again, and again, and again. Nothing. I went to the website and found their customer support. There was no way to recover. I was going to have to push a few buttons and wipe the data. It would then reboot with all the factory settings. Everything I’d done would be lost. But starting over would be better than handing my wife a tablet that didn’t work.

I followed the directions. Nothing. It rebooted and asked for the password. I followed the procedure again, and again, and again. It simply rebooted and asked for the password every time. To contact customer support, I had to email them. I was asked to describe the problem in my email and informed that I would have an answer within 48 hours. I sent the following message:

“Will not allow me to log on using password. Tried to follow procedure to wipe data. It
will not wipe, it just reboots”

I received an automated reply with a case number that also informed me that I would have a response within 48 hours. I waited 24. It’s not that I was impatient. It’s that my wife’s birthday party was the following day and I needed to have the problem resolved. I took it back to Best Buy. The Geek Squad geek tried to fix it to no avail. He advised that I exchange it and walked me to the counter where I could do this after we got a replacement unit. I stood there about 10 minutes before a not so helpful customer service person told me I needed to get into line which was now several people deep. I was annoyed. I’d already stood in line for the Geek Squad geek followed by waiting for 10 minutes at the counter. But I bit my tongue and got in line like a good little sheep. I told myself I wasn’t in a hurry anyways.

It took about 30 minutes to get through the line, make the exchange, and have a new invisible shield installed. Then I was on my way. I suppose it could have been worse. In fact, I could have simply waited for six days for Asus to respond to my email within 48 hours. Yes, that’s right. Six days after being told I would have an answer in 48 hours I received the following answer:

“Dear Valued Customer,
Thank you for contacting ASUS Technical Service.
Sorry for my delayed replying
For this issue, please refer to the following steps to Wipe Data. Please back up all of your personal information before proceeding.

1. Press and hold down ?ower button?until the system shuts down.
2. Remove the SD card from Eee Pad.
3. Press and hold down ?olume down?button first, and then press and hold down the ?ower?button until the screen below appears.
4. Do not press any buttons until the screen below appears.
5. There? a line ?ress <Vol_Up> to execute, <Vol_Down> to cancel wiping data. Press Volume Up button to execute the ?ipe Data?
6. After the ?ipe Data?process is done, it will reboot automatically. Then Eee Pad should be able to enter the system successfully.
Best regards
Stephen
ASUS service center”

The jibberish in this semi-legible response is telling me to do exactly what I attempted to do after visiting the customer support website. It told me to do the exact same thing that I told them in my email didn’t work. It wasn’t something I would have found particularly helpful if I hadn’t already returned the damned thing.

However, after having returned the product and waiting six days, I, in fact have found this email to be extremely helpful. It has helped me to decide not to recommend this or any other Asus product. It is doubtful I will ever purchase one again. I do not purchase products from companies with no customer service. This is the worst I’ve ever experienced. Best Buy can count itself lucky that its staff treated me poorly on a day when I was full of patience. But no amount of patience will allow me to put up with a company like Asus.

-TDOM

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Law & Disorder: SVU or FU?

I’ve been under the weather a bit for several months. I’ve had a recurring cold or flu that just won’t disappear. Every time I think it’s gone, it comes back. For the most part, it’s been rather mild. I haven’t missed much time at work because of it, but this week, it got to me and I took off a day and a half. What it meant mostly was that I didn’t feel like doing much. As a result, I spent an inordinate amount of time watching reruns on TV. One of the shows I ended up watching was Law and Order: SVU. If you’ve never seen it, don’t bother unless you’re really into watching misandry at its finest. I only watched because my son-in-law was home and that’s what he was watching.

SVU Promo

SVU Promo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s a show that for the most part depicts men doing the worst possible things a person can imagine to women and/or children. But every now and again, you get a female perpetrator. I walked in near the end of one such episode. The perp was convicted of whatever crime she had committed, but the victim’s father asked the judge to be lenient after hearing of the abuse she had gone through that caused her to become a heinous criminal. Judging by the reaction of my son-in-law the audience was to feel sympathy for the criminal and be relieved and even admire the victim’s father for requesting leniency. So the show that deals in heinous sex crimes against children had its viewers feeling as though the perpetrator was actually the victim. Sympathy for the devil: the female sentencing discount at its finest.

A second episode followed and my son-in-law remained in the living room just long enough for me to get drawn in before he left me to watch the remainder by myself. I should have turned it off, but I wanted to see what happened, so I didn’t, partly because it looked like it was going to deal with the issue of statutory rape. A 21 year old boy had been caught naked in bed with his 15 year old girlfriend by the girl’s mother. They were under the covers so she couldn’t see whether or not they were having sex. The entire case rested on that. Both kids denied it and the girl refused a sex abuse exam. The cops let the boy go and the mother was made to look like a controlling bitch. One had to wonder where the show was going from there.

I considered a couple of possibilities during a commercial break before guessing correctly. The mother was found murdered; the 21 year old boy (man?) was the suspect. He was last seen pushing the girl into a car and driving off with her. Later he was arrested on suspicion of murder and kidnapping an underage girl. What we learn later is that the girl killed her mother during an argument. She pleads diminished capacity due to some kind of pre-menstrual disorder that leaves her with severe mood swings and potential for violence. Despite how nasty she is and how much we detest her, we are supposed to excuse her behavior. But we are all relieved when her defense is exposed as a sham. This detestable young brat had just had her period when the murder was committed and therefore the PMS excuse didn’t fly.

But wait, just like in an infomercial for a bad piece of kitchen equipment, there’s more. It’s also discovered that the girl’s mother was a hard core alcoholic, violent, and abusive. Suddenly we are all supposed to understand and sympathize with this hateful little girl who brutally slew her own mother in a fit of rage. Yes, that’s right. The female detective asks the female prosecutor to accept a lenient plea deal because she knows what it’s like to have an alcoholic for a mother.

For some reason, known only to God himself, I watched a third episode. Not to worry. No female perpetrator in this one. Thankfully I didn’t have to suffer through having to sympathize with another heinous female killer/child molester so she could be let off easy. Nope. This episode contained your run of the mill male serial killer/rapist/child molester. He was a sadistic monster who had absolutely no past that might cause us to sympathize with him. If I recall correctly (I wasn’t paying that much attention by the end), he was shot several times by an entire unit of SWAT police and killed. No one shed a tear.

Yes, when we have a male perp, we can bypass trial and send him straight to hell. We don’t have to take a ride on the emotional rollercoaster that we board whenever a woman commits a heinous crime. Best of all, we don’t have to end up sympathizing with a scumbag and excuse her behavior.

-TDOM

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Musical Interlude: Lucille

When I was a kid, my grandmother employed a woman named Lucille in her dress shop. I spent many a summer with my grandmother and had a great many conversations with Lucille. I can’t remember what she looked like, never knew her last name, and haven’t thought about her in years (decades). But I thought of her just now while researching a bit of information on B. B. King. I was also amazed to discover how many different Lucille’s have been immortalized in song and in how many different versions by how many different artists.

To kick it off, B.B. King named his guitar after her

She left Kenny Rogers

As well as The Beat Farmers with four hungry children and a crop in the field

Perhaps to become Michel Jonasz’ Spanish Sweetheart

Then spent a bit of time breaking hearts on the bayou with Mark St. Mary Louisiana Blues & Zydeco Band

Before abandoning The Everly Brothers,

Deep Purple,

The Beatles,

And finally Little Richard, each of whom wanted her back where she belongs

 

Yes, Lucille is a firely little lady who apparently gets around, isn’t much of a mom, and disdains farming, but remains quite the little heartbreaker.

-TDOM

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